so rather surrealistically, over the last two semesters of school,
I've won one travel voucher for 300CHF, and a trip to Champagne.

It's surreal, and ironic, since I often avoid traveling due to the costs, despite being in Europe.

But so I'm going to Champagne this December, for a two day tour of the Champagne houses
and vineyards.

I end up missing two of my finals, but I've been given permission to do them as retakes in January which, while sucky because I have to study during the holidays, is also awesome because my finals work load is nearly halved.

So this semester looks to be coming to a close, and I'm excited see how things end. :)

I find it surreal, that I use Facebook to blog more than I actually use my blog now... but I think this is going to end up copy and paste onto the blog anyway.

You know how people say that they never forget that one true love, that first love, that -insert adjective- love?

I was emptying my Facebook inbox today... and dug up a lot of old messages. Thankfully I only got Facebook post Shirlene, but I dug up a quote I copied off her profile to show my best friend to try and cheer her up. I was actually really curious to know where it's from (and now I realise I think she said it was written by a friend) so I googled it. And found her blog. Well her posterous. And a blog, that she shares with her boyfriend to 'share their eating experiences around the world'. Right.

And I stared at those three blogs... read the profile, scanned through the first 2-3 entries of each. And then for precisely one second. I teared. And then it all cleared up and I felt stupid.

I don't think I'll ever be utterly completely absolutely over her.

But whether because I'm not letting myself move on, or whether I really just can't, I don't know.
I mean, wow I feel so emo-cool to say I have this epic love that doesn't die and makes me cry.
See that even rhymed. I don't know. I kinda want to know how she's doing... what's up with her life... but I don't know how much I'd be able to deal with that.

Maybe it's time I try and be friends if she's willing? I think I'm quite definitely no longer... clinging onto any hope that we get back together. But the memories of how things were, of the expectations that I had, of the stupid dreams I built... those still haunt me.

Friends.
Hmm.

I think I should have gone to Lausanne.

And even now, I think I'd give up all the friends I've made, all the experiences I've gone through, everything, to go back and make that decision all over again.

I hate regret.
It eats at you, like a rabid alien chest-burster, it makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

FML.

Ok this is obviously pointless, and serves no purpose.
But... I couldn't quite bring myself to do this on Facebook (too public) and it's too wordy for Twitter.

We used to have something special. Oh so many years ago.
And I never dared ask... I never dared explore the possibility of anything more than that special friendship because I always assumed you'd say no.

Until I was attached to someone else and told you about that assumption, and you said you would have said yes.

That 'attachment' lasted 3 years and 9 months... and resulted in a wrenching life changing heart break.

Today we're barely even friends. No matter how we try, the messages are sparse and random.
Conversation doesn't really hold... there're just too many years that we lost.

And tonight... while letting my mind wander.
What if.

What if I had asked you. What if we'd tried.
Where would we be now?

Bonus points for (DISCRETELY VIA A MESSAGE) who you think this is about!
Bonus points can be redeemed for free food and beverage upon sufficient accumulation.

There's this Singaporean guy in school this year that I get along pretty well with.
He's just a year younger, Commando sergeant in NS... did a diploma in electrical engineering or something before coming here.

I'm just wary because he says 'Me too.' too much in response to my views.
I mean it's great to find someone who hates stupid people, who's critical and judgmental to a degree,
and to have a common cultural background.

Unfortunately, I've learnt that some people tend to just go 'Hey me too!' to everything as part of the
friend making process.

Plus... my arrogance gets in the way. Like he says 'Yeah I prefer intelligent women too' and I instantly think 'But are our standards of intelligent the same?' and then go 'Ok don't judge... give him a chance.'

Sigh. I'm socially retarded.

I think the inherent problem with Feminism is that we call it Feminism.
The term is too loaded.

Feminism... or at least the perspective that I believe in, isn't about 'women'.
It's about gender. Isn't it?

It's about inequalities that pervade everyday life due to socialisation with regards to gender.
Yes, the majority of Feminist focus on the unequal treatment of the feminine gender, but personally, and I emphasise personally, I don't.

Yes, there are instances where men are pigeon-holed and stereotyped and disadvantaged the way women are.
Yes, I recognise that some Feminists overlook this in the arguments they put forward.
Telling me these things however, doesn't change the fact that the world is an uneven place.
Telling me these things doesn't change that striving to create equality is a noble and worthwhile goal.

Telling me that you suffer too does not make my quest to make everyone suffer less any different?
How does it make any logical sense that just because men suffer in some instances, Feminism is a pointless pursuit? Because there's the word Feminine in the term, and there isn't the word Masculine?

Therefore, what does that make me?
As a Feminist. My position that I don't play favourites on whose rights I fight for, male, female, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transsexual means that I don't subscribe to anything prior to the 'Third-wave' of Feminism. Using Wikipedia as a reference on the differing schools of Feminism, I'm definitely not a Postmodern Feminist, nor am I an Ecofeminist (I find that particular school very interesting as a concept). The closest description that I identify with would be Libertarian Feminism, with particular resonance on Equity and Gender Feminism.

Googling 'Equity Feminism' turns up some disturbing results, like this. Though 'Angry Harry' does make some an interesting argument. Equity Feminists should consider calling themselves something else; because the term Feminism is far too loaded to be used with Equity. Don't agree fully, but does raise what I mentioned earlier in this post.

Oh wait. Wise Geek just gave a much more detailed elaboration on Equity and Gender Feminism. Actually I found the first comment for more helpful than the article by Wise Geek. Thanks Anon37814.

Hmmm.
So my blog/twitter brain-trust, any help on the meaning of the terms?
Can you classify my personal perspective?

Who the hell lumped so many views under Feminism anyway? It was a man, wasn't it.

I think I've been spending too much time talking Feminism.
I feel like I've been reorientated in terms of thinking and perspective.

And while that's not inherently a bad thing, it places a very interesting spin on life.

I was explaining what I'm hoping to do my dissertation on to Jia Yan (whom most of you will remember as the girl from school who was an air stewardess with Singapore Airlines and that I had a 'kinda' crush on).

And she was like. So why is it... an issue?
My example of how in the industry men must dress like Men (capitalisation intentional) and women must look and behave like Women was met with "Well you can't expect men to dress like women and women to dress like men!"

To which I went... why not? I compared it to men marrying men and how I think that's perfectly fine.
And she said that either wasn't normal. I pointed out women working as doctors 'wasn't normal' eighty years ago. She said it wasn't normal, but it wasn't weird. And ok, now that I've googled it, I should have said maybe a hundred years ago, because there were female doctors eighty years ago. Not common, but there were. Anyway. It ended up with a 'Yeah well women were pushed to do housework and stay at home because men didn't want to do it LOL'.

Ok.
That really was NOT the point of that conversation on so many levels. And I just went. GRAAAAAAAAH.

Am I actually being oversensitive? I mean. REALLY.
Cos. It never occurred to me before. Dating wise I mean. That subscribing to some degree of a Feminist perspective (in sociological terms) would be that important to me. I always just figured the person would have to be 'relatively Liberal'. But I don't even know what that means anymore.

This is also what prompted my 'normal' question via Twitter. What does it mean when someone says behaviour isn't normal? Is that a judgmental statement? Or a descriptive one.

:(

I'm also inherently worried about my dissertation topic. I don't think it's hard to prove that the industry internalises gender roles and stereotypes willingly and constantly. That in a way has to do with the industry motto of 'meeting expectations and exceeding them'. But where can I go beyond that? Can I prove correlation to impact of that on staff? On society? Sigh.

So my friend was supposed to depart for Brazil last night.
At check in, they don't let her on the plane because she doesn't have a visa.

Her travel agent (who did her plane booking) told her she didn't need one.
Well guess what... to enter Brazil, Singaporeans do need one.

Major bummer for her.
And the agency? The next flight they can put her in next Monday. That's a whole week of her leave burned.

I mean. Seriously. What the fuck.
What kind of travel agency makes this kind of screw ups?!

Why Muhibbah Travel Tours and Trading Pte Ltd does!

So now you know. Avoid, at all costs.

Hmm. She should go to CASE actually, shouldn't she.

It's been a funny few weeks.
School's been... more lonely than I remember it being, and no, this isn't related to my singlehood.
This is more... the departure of a great deal of my closer friends, or the remaining ones either living off campus or being in different years.

The... distance the BBA year students seem to have from the other students (we come in later, we're not involved with any of the earlier activities) plus the smaller cohort seems to have a profound effect on the social dynamics. Plus, knowing so many people and never being close to them over the three years (amongst the students I 'know' who're back) means it's unlikely this would change now anyway.

One new Singaporean in school this semester, but I knew she was going to be here due to Facebook. *shrug*

It's weird, but I think last semester really made it apparent to me that going to meet and greet new students at the airport when they literally first arrive does wonders for my social life because I meet so many new people, and I can pretend it's a job type thing because the school asks me (well someone, I just volunteer) to do it.

Mmph.
School work so far hasn't been anything to scream at. I find 'full cost absorption accounting' incredibly confusing, a lot of the things don't seem to make much logical sense. My teacher says it's because I'm thinking with my 'CVP analysis hat' on, and it's a totally different perspective. That said I don't think he likes me very much because I'm always nit-picking on points and asking off-tangent questions.

My burning desire to understand whatever I'm expected to learn seems to be a bit of a bane.

~ On another note,

My roommate broke up with his fiancee over the holidays. Oddly enough, they still talk/exchange facebook hi's, and he's already seeing someone new.

Like. I mean. Wtf. New girl's really sweet too. Hope he doesn't break her.

I mean I obviously have no idea what she's like as a person, but I'm assuming she's smart,
since she's, in Oxford. And well, since he's marrying her.

But she is really cute!
Lucky lucky lucky.

Here's to me hoping I'll find my Jane.

And congratulations to the fairly newly married couple.
Not that they'd read this. But hey! Shout outs!