pedantic posterboy

what happened yesterday

2009-12-05T19:29:22Z

So yesterday I attended my friends' graduation ceremony.
As expected, one of them who's coincidentally my senior from ACJC, was valedictorian, and also picked up best dissertation.

Going for that ceremony makes me so want to graduate. I seriously can't wait.
I'm really gunning for valedictorian too, which will make it 2 Singaporeans in a row, and BOTH from ACJC hahaha. Awesome.

Someone should send this into ACJC alumni news lol.

Anyway. So can't wait to graduate and finish. It's a whole big unknown after that... but at least I know I need to fulfill internship requirements first before I decide anything, so that part isn't as bad.

It's what happens after I complete my management in training that life really does get complicated.

Hopefully I get a training stint on the east coast. NYC hopefully.
That's still 6 months away though.

Just wanted to say how much I really want to graduate already.

And ask, who's actually still reading this!

winning.

2009-11-18T22:05:10Z

so rather surrealistically, over the last two semesters of school,
I've won one travel voucher for 300CHF, and a trip to Champagne.

It's surreal, and ironic, since I often avoid traveling due to the costs, despite being in Europe.

But so I'm going to Champagne this December, for a two day tour of the Champagne houses
and vineyards.

I end up missing two of my finals, but I've been given permission to do them as retakes in January which, while sucky because I have to study during the holidays, is also awesome because my finals work load is nearly halved.

So this semester looks to be coming to a close, and I'm excited see how things end. :)

acsian85 @ 2009-11-16T23:02:00

2009-11-16T22:02:27Z

I find it surreal, that I use Facebook to blog more than I actually use my blog now... but I think this is going to end up copy and paste onto the blog anyway.

You know how people say that they never forget that one true love, that first love, that -insert adjective- love?

I was emptying my Facebook inbox today... and dug up a lot of old messages. Thankfully I only got Facebook post Shirlene, but I dug up a quote I copied off her profile to show my best friend to try and cheer her up. I was actually really curious to know where it's from (and now I realise I think she said it was written by a friend) so I googled it. And found her blog. Well her posterous. And a blog, that she shares with her boyfriend to 'share their eating experiences around the world'. Right.

And I stared at those three blogs... read the profile, scanned through the first 2-3 entries of each. And then for precisely one second. I teared. And then it all cleared up and I felt stupid.

I don't think I'll ever be utterly completely absolutely over her.

But whether because I'm not letting myself move on, or whether I really just can't, I don't know.
I mean, wow I feel so emo-cool to say I have this epic love that doesn't die and makes me cry.
See that even rhymed. I don't know. I kinda want to know how she's doing... what's up with her life... but I don't know how much I'd be able to deal with that.

Maybe it's time I try and be friends if she's willing? I think I'm quite definitely no longer... clinging onto any hope that we get back together. But the memories of how things were, of the expectations that I had, of the stupid dreams I built... those still haunt me.

Friends.
Hmm.

Regrets.

2009-11-08T20:51:58Z

I think I should have gone to Lausanne.

And even now, I think I'd give up all the friends I've made, all the experiences I've gone through, everything, to go back and make that decision all over again.

I hate regret.
It eats at you, like a rabid alien chest-burster, it makes me want to curl up in a ball and cry.

FML.

So the question is...

2009-09-14T18:09:47Z

Ok this is obviously pointless, and serves no purpose.
But... I couldn't quite bring myself to do this on Facebook (too public) and it's too wordy for Twitter.

We used to have something special. Oh so many years ago.
And I never dared ask... I never dared explore the possibility of anything more than that special friendship because I always assumed you'd say no.

Until I was attached to someone else and told you about that assumption, and you said you would have said yes.

That 'attachment' lasted 3 years and 9 months... and resulted in a wrenching life changing heart break.

Today we're barely even friends. No matter how we try, the messages are sparse and random.
Conversation doesn't really hold... there're just too many years that we lost.

And tonight... while letting my mind wander.
What if.

What if I had asked you. What if we'd tried.
Where would we be now?

Bonus points for (DISCRETELY VIA A MESSAGE) who you think this is about!
Bonus points can be redeemed for free food and beverage upon sufficient accumulation.

Be wary.

2009-09-12T14:40:10Z

There's this Singaporean guy in school this year that I get along pretty well with.
He's just a year younger, Commando sergeant in NS... did a diploma in electrical engineering or something before coming here.

I'm just wary because he says 'Me too.' too much in response to my views.
I mean it's great to find someone who hates stupid people, who's critical and judgmental to a degree,
and to have a common cultural background.

Unfortunately, I've learnt that some people tend to just go 'Hey me too!' to everything as part of the
friend making process.

Plus... my arrogance gets in the way. Like he says 'Yeah I prefer intelligent women too' and I instantly think 'But are our standards of intelligent the same?' and then go 'Ok don't judge... give him a chance.'

Sigh. I'm socially retarded.

the problem with feminism.

2009-08-24T11:34:08Z

I think the inherent problem with Feminism is that we call it Feminism.
The term is too loaded.

Feminism... or at least the perspective that I believe in, isn't about 'women'.
It's about gender. Isn't it?

It's about inequalities that pervade everyday life due to socialisation with regards to gender.
Yes, the majority of Feminist focus on the unequal treatment of the feminine gender, but personally, and I emphasise personally, I don't.

Yes, there are instances where men are pigeon-holed and stereotyped and disadvantaged the way women are.
Yes, I recognise that some Feminists overlook this in the arguments they put forward.
Telling me these things however, doesn't change the fact that the world is an uneven place.
Telling me these things doesn't change that striving to create equality is a noble and worthwhile goal.

Telling me that you suffer too does not make my quest to make everyone suffer less any different?
How does it make any logical sense that just because men suffer in some instances, Feminism is a pointless pursuit? Because there's the word Feminine in the term, and there isn't the word Masculine?

Therefore, what does that make me?
As a Feminist. My position that I don't play favourites on whose rights I fight for, male, female, gay, lesbian, bisexual and transsexual means that I don't subscribe to anything prior to the 'Third-wave' of Feminism. Using Wikipedia as a reference on the differing schools of Feminism, I'm definitely not a Postmodern Feminist, nor am I an Ecofeminist (I find that particular school very interesting as a concept). The closest description that I identify with would be Libertarian Feminism, with particular resonance on Equity and Gender Feminism.

Googling 'Equity Feminism' turns up some disturbing results, like this. Though 'Angry Harry' does make some an interesting argument. Equity Feminists should consider calling themselves something else; because the term Feminism is far too loaded to be used with Equity. Don't agree fully, but does raise what I mentioned earlier in this post.

Oh wait. Wise Geek just gave a much more detailed elaboration on Equity and Gender Feminism. Actually I found the first comment for more helpful than the article by Wise Geek. Thanks Anon37814.

Hmmm.
So my blog/twitter brain-trust, any help on the meaning of the terms?
Can you classify my personal perspective?

Who the hell lumped so many views under Feminism anyway? It was a man, wasn't it.

Deal breaker.

2009-08-23T13:33:28Z

I think I've been spending too much time talking Feminism.
I feel like I've been reorientated in terms of thinking and perspective.

And while that's not inherently a bad thing, it places a very interesting spin on life.

I was explaining what I'm hoping to do my dissertation on to Jia Yan (whom most of you will remember as the girl from school who was an air stewardess with Singapore Airlines and that I had a 'kinda' crush on).

And she was like. So why is it... an issue?
My example of how in the industry men must dress like Men (capitalisation intentional) and women must look and behave like Women was met with "Well you can't expect men to dress like women and women to dress like men!"

To which I went... why not? I compared it to men marrying men and how I think that's perfectly fine.
And she said that either wasn't normal. I pointed out women working as doctors 'wasn't normal' eighty years ago. She said it wasn't normal, but it wasn't weird. And ok, now that I've googled it, I should have said maybe a hundred years ago, because there were female doctors eighty years ago. Not common, but there were. Anyway. It ended up with a 'Yeah well women were pushed to do housework and stay at home because men didn't want to do it LOL'.

Ok.
That really was NOT the point of that conversation on so many levels. And I just went. GRAAAAAAAAH.

Am I actually being oversensitive? I mean. REALLY.
Cos. It never occurred to me before. Dating wise I mean. That subscribing to some degree of a Feminist perspective (in sociological terms) would be that important to me. I always just figured the person would have to be 'relatively Liberal'. But I don't even know what that means anymore.

This is also what prompted my 'normal' question via Twitter. What does it mean when someone says behaviour isn't normal? Is that a judgmental statement? Or a descriptive one.

:(

I'm also inherently worried about my dissertation topic. I don't think it's hard to prove that the industry internalises gender roles and stereotypes willingly and constantly. That in a way has to do with the industry motto of 'meeting expectations and exceeding them'. But where can I go beyond that? Can I prove correlation to impact of that on staff? On society? Sigh.

A Learning Lesson.

2009-08-17T06:04:21Z

So my friend was supposed to depart for Brazil last night.
At check in, they don't let her on the plane because she doesn't have a visa.

Her travel agent (who did her plane booking) told her she didn't need one.
Well guess what... to enter Brazil, Singaporeans do need one.

Major bummer for her.
And the agency? The next flight they can put her in next Monday. That's a whole week of her leave burned.

I mean. Seriously. What the fuck.
What kind of travel agency makes this kind of screw ups?!

Why Muhibbah Travel Tours and Trading Pte Ltd does!

So now you know. Avoid, at all costs.

Hmm. She should go to CASE actually, shouldn't she.

And so on.

2009-08-11T15:45:47Z

It's been a funny few weeks.
School's been... more lonely than I remember it being, and no, this isn't related to my singlehood.
This is more... the departure of a great deal of my closer friends, or the remaining ones either living off campus or being in different years.

The... distance the BBA year students seem to have from the other students (we come in later, we're not involved with any of the earlier activities) plus the smaller cohort seems to have a profound effect on the social dynamics. Plus, knowing so many people and never being close to them over the three years (amongst the students I 'know' who're back) means it's unlikely this would change now anyway.

One new Singaporean in school this semester, but I knew she was going to be here due to Facebook. *shrug*

It's weird, but I think last semester really made it apparent to me that going to meet and greet new students at the airport when they literally first arrive does wonders for my social life because I meet so many new people, and I can pretend it's a job type thing because the school asks me (well someone, I just volunteer) to do it.

Mmph.
School work so far hasn't been anything to scream at. I find 'full cost absorption accounting' incredibly confusing, a lot of the things don't seem to make much logical sense. My teacher says it's because I'm thinking with my 'CVP analysis hat' on, and it's a totally different perspective. That said I don't think he likes me very much because I'm always nit-picking on points and asking off-tangent questions.

My burning desire to understand whatever I'm expected to learn seems to be a bit of a bane.

~ On another note,

My roommate broke up with his fiancee over the holidays. Oddly enough, they still talk/exchange facebook hi's, and he's already seeing someone new.

Like. I mean. Wtf. New girl's really sweet too. Hope he doesn't break her.

Lucky man.

2009-07-22T18:01:02Z

I mean I obviously have no idea what she's like as a person, but I'm assuming she's smart,
since she's, in Oxford. And well, since he's marrying her.

But she is really cute!
Lucky lucky lucky.

Here's to me hoping I'll find my Jane.

And congratulations to the fairly newly married couple.
Not that they'd read this. But hey! Shout outs!

I need to talk this out.

2009-07-16T11:20:35Z

In relation to this this post.

Where do you draw the line, between having bigoted viewpoints and promoting those viewpoints. Does it lie at verbalisation?

Because at the end of the day, it's one thing to disapprove of a person because of their views.
Even if their views are bigoted, immoral or outright offensive to what you believe, their views are really their entitlement. I suspect to most people hold some form of pre-conceived notion of a some group of people or the other. Many strive to not let it colour their day to day lives, to maintain a professional eye when evaluating or interacting with staff or clients.

Those who do, and are taken to task for it, I get.

But what about articulation. Voicing those views.

I know Feminist Mentor Jr isn't a good example, because recent events has suggested a far more proactive stance regarding her views and her actions, but essentially, if a professor of law, is homophobic, and has made comments illustrating that, but has not acted to dis-privilege the LBGT community, is there anything wrong with her teaching things like human rights and such?

Mmm, that beauty pageant girl who made a remark stating that she was morally (and religiously) against homosexuality and was penalised by the gay judge, was that fair? Is it fair to demand that everyone believe in ~~equality~~ homosexuality? (EDIT: Believing in equality =/= believing in homosexuality)

Is it possible to believe that something is wrong, but recognise that it is merely your perspective, and set it aside in policy making or work?

I'd say it's very possible. I know plenty of Catholics who have no problem with abortion being legal because they recognise that just because they don't believe in its use doesn't mean other people might not. I know plenty of people who believe that pre-marital sex is wrong, but don't set out to make it illegal.

At the end of the day, I can't tell if people are objecting to Feminist Mentor Jr's appointment because of the general nature of her views (ie homosexuality is unnatural and wrong etc.), which to me, IS unfair and actually ironically oppressive, or the fact that her views propel her to undertake proactive steps to suppress, disenfranchise and under-privilege the LBGT community. Because I'm cool with the latter, that the reactions are born of her track record of action. But the former makes me very uncomfortable.

Actually ok, end note, after finishing that last paragraph, I recognise it's also about how such views are verbalised? It's one thing to say "I personally don't approve of homosexuality", and another to say "DAMN FREAKS OF NATURE".

But my question on would you let a 'homophobic professor' teach human rights assumes it is one who has said "I personally don't approve of homosexuality", and not ranted and raved about it.

So my neglected blog.

2009-06-28T19:13:01Z

We broke up.
I'm not sure it was the right thing to do?

I'm not sure if I'll regret it.

Is it right for me to take away someone's happiness for the hope of me being happier?

I have a question.

2009-05-12T21:53:46Z

Quoted of Glass Castle
"Attacking women on the basis of appearance - suggesting that women's visual attractiveness is a precondition for the legitimacy of our social participation - is a classic misogynist trope, which is only effective because it taps into a widespread belief that women's primary value comes from our use as ornaments or accessories."

I get the argument.

However, the question is, is the writer over-thinking, or am I under thinking.

I insult everyone based on appearance. Short, fat, tall, thin, bald, pudgy, pale, tan, it doesn't matter, I'm gonna make fun of you anyway. Male or female.

Am I doing this because I've been conditioned into thinking that male AND female visual appeal is a prerequisite for respect, or is because I inherently believe that insulting a person's looks is a fast and simple way to insult someone.

And. If I don't believe that visual attractiveness is a 'precondition for legitimacy', does me calling me male friend 'short fat motherfucker' perpetuate that? Or is it only when I attack women based on their looks...

And yes I'm seriously asking this.

So.

2009-04-26T09:39:45Z

It's hard to post when the last four posts one makes don't get any replies.
I suppose that's my fault though, that I update so infrequently that people just stop reading.

Anyhoo.
The whole AWARE thing has really been dominating my internet activities recently.
Between that and my psychology project on cultural attitudes towards gender roles,
I've been reading A LOT about gender recently.

So let's not talk about it.

I made a private post a while back, so too bad for those of you who don't have LJ,
but essentially I reaffirm what I said in that article.
There are times when I am made uncomfortable standing up with the 'mostly' liberal ideals I believe in,
because I actually find the people who argue by my side occasionally over-sensitive. I emphasis 'occasionally' greatly. I can't quantify for you when with any clear certainty, or provide a clear framework, but even after they justify the magnitude of their reaction, I still find myself unable to agree.

Does that matter though, in the grand scale of what I believe? Not really.
It just makes me question whether I really believe what I believe because I am not as conscious of the 'implied' discrimination or 'unacceptable' nuances that a few others seem to see.

And that in turn makes me wonder if others like me end up disassociating themselves from movements because they feel insufficiently moved (when they well might be) or simply disapproving of the magnitude of reactions.

While studying...

2009-04-17T22:19:46Z

Excerpt from Miles Kington, found in my Food and Beverage supplementary textbook.

A man staying at a seaside hotel finds he can have 'Eggs - Any style' and proceeds to test the waiter and kitchen with demands for eggs representative of different artistic styles and historical periods. Examples:

Art deco : A boiled egg in an art deco cup with 1920s spoon

Neo-classical : A plate of scrambled eggs arranged under a palladian arch of toast

Fauvist : A plate of loosely cooked eggs dyed purple and red and smeared across the plate (inedible)

Celtic revivalist : Coddled eggs in a nest of seaweed

Jazz age : Eggs with gin

Finally on the last day the guest asks for eggs, post-modernist style. The waiter replies, 'We at this hotel do not think that post-modernism is worthy to be called a style, Sir.', adding 'It is merely a ragbag of cultural mannerisms.'

Laughed so hard at that one.

A late eulogy.

2009-04-11T14:41:57Z

I find myself very sad to only discover now, that JB Jeyaretnam passed away while I was in Provence.
I find it amazing that no one actually ever mentioned this while I was in Singapore, and that no hint of it even appeared in the news.

I found out today.
And... it's sad, because I really respected the man.

I remember always seeing him outside Centerpoint and wishing I had the guts to ask him how everything felt. How he saw things, what he would do again.

I now find out we have a new Opposition party in Singapore called the Reform Party.
Can't say much for the name, but I like the idea.

I was just rereading JBJ's life on Wikipedia... and when you read what happened on hindsight,
you really have to wonder how we survive in our country.

acsian85 @ 2009-04-05T19:37:00

2009-04-05T18:00:33Z

http://xkcd.com/513/

Shit. I've been found out.

here's my dirty little secret.

2009-04-05T16:04:30Z

I'm actually an incredibly envious person.

I get envious almost every time I go on Facebook. Can you believe that?
Almost every time. It's usually someone different each time, something new to wish for...

It just occurred to me today though... not sure why.
But today's envy list included:

A's cute girlfriend (who admittedly only looks cute in that ONE photo)
B's recent holiday out to who knows where with amazing scenery and many smiles
C's seemingly content existence, posting about happy things and random thoughts
D's seemingly close friendship with someone that I wish I was close to

And the list goes on... and on... and on.
I never thought I was the envious sort. But I guess I am.

On another note, the other day I was standing behind this girl I knew, while waiting to pay for pizza.
And I was struck with the incredible urge to grab her around the waist and bury my face in her hair.

Fortunately I managed to settle for just poking her in the ribs.
I actually thought I was over this girl. Not that I was ever seriously crazy about her,
but I definitely went through a crush. I thought that crush was over... and then this happened.
Thought lead me to this conclusion.

In view of the arguments my girlfriend and I are having right now, with breakup being mentioned in
every argument, other... 'options' naturally look more appealing.

But more than that, this girl isn't attractive because of who she is, but rather who she represents.
I'm fairly sure. She's not ugly or anything, and yeah I'd quite definitely at least try dating her, but she's unspectacular.

It's what she represents.
Singaporean
Christian (well ideally she would have been Catholic)
English speaking
Same age
Ex-AC
Same school

She's like. The avatar of the traits I thought I'd be dating, till life threw me a curveball and left me dating someone very much not like her.

I'm been dealing... but I suppose at some level, I would very much rather be in my comfort zone.

This post ideally would have been Friends only, but since a good number of you don't have LJ accounts. Meh. :(

certainty. doubt. regret.

2009-03-10T23:02:10Z

I was in considerable doubt over my current relationship.
It tends to be the pattern to all of them really.

Except this time I actually got over it.
I'm not sure what triggered the certainty, the renewed commitment, but
I feel actually feel so happy that I'm more certain.

Without going into soppy details, I actually want to 'try' so desperately hard,
I want it to all work out.

I'm still not sure how things will work out really long term, nor if its the best possible fit,
but I'm happy, and I think I'd be stupid to not treasure it.

I guess sometimes it is possible to think too much, and that there are points in life,
where you just gotta appreciate what you have, and stop wondering if better will come along.

That said, I've been strangely reminiscent about my past relationships.
Past as in immediate past, Ling and Fides.

I think both were a real waste... I realise now that I really was too harsh on Ling,
and never gave her a fair chance. I feel... rather regretful about that, because she really was
a great girl, and I definitely screwed up that one. That said, objectively speaking I think
what I ended it over would still have been issues, but in many ways the magnitude of those issues
was magnified by my own... insecurities.

The Fides phase I think died a natural death. I don't think we were ever really that intrinsically
compatible to begin with, and I think things turned out for the best. I just thought about it because
she started using a picture that I took as her profile picture... and I remember where and when it was so clearly. (Marmalade Pantry; Holland Village Branch)

Its... just. Odd. To be where I am now, relationship wise.
I don't think I would have seen myself being here... and yet, well. Here I am.
Life holds funny twists I suppose.

I feel vaguely obliged to talk about school but there is little to say beyond it sucks.
A few interesting faces in school this year, including a girl who was from my ACJC batch.
Science stream, and then worked as an air stewardess for a few years, and just started year one.
Not... hot. But kinda pretty I guess. More sweet than anything else.
A Dutch girl who's either making subtle overtures or is just being friendlier to me than to anyone else. Hahah. I suppose both are possible.

And somehow the two girls I've been carrying a torch for since year 1 are suddenly single. How's that for a year that I come to school attached. The irony is bitin'.

But yes. I'm committed to trying.
I believe we can make it work.
And I'm happy making the effort.

That's the important thing isn't it.
Its not about being happy... its about being happy trying to be happy.
If that made any sense.

my song of the moment.

2009-02-26T19:02:42Z

Its really such a great song, melody and lyrics.

The Best Mistake I've Ever Made by Joanna Wang

One step too far
All at once I'm falling
Just like a star
I'm burning for you
Thought I could keep myself from feeling this way
I guess that was my first mistake

Cause suddenly I'm walking
Down a dark street to your door
Wanting you is driving me insane
And now my feet are standing
Where they've never stood before
Guided by a twist of fate

If I lose myself with you tonight
Fall apart or hold on tight
Wrong or right
I won't be afraid
Cause even if my heart should break
You'd be the best mistake I ever made

I'm in your room
Now there's no denying
What's in your eyes
When I look at you
Two shadows talking but they don't make a sound
Words have lost their meaning now

And the air has turned electric
Now I know the time is right
To put myself into your hands
And suddenly I'm shaking
As your fingers touch my skin
I don't need to understand

But If I lose myself with you tonight
Fall apart or hold on tight
Wrong or right
I won't be afraid
Cause even if my heart should break
You'd be the best mistake I ever made

And if tomorrow proves me wrong
I swear I don't belong
I know I'll carry on

So I will lose myself and bare my soul
Take this chance cause heaven knows
I'm so far gone, my choice is made
And even if my heart should break

When I lose myself with you tonight
Fall apart or hold on tight
Wrong or right
I'll always say
You're the best mistake I ever made
You're the best mistake I ever made
You're the best mistake I ever made

that once a month post...

2009-02-22T12:23:00Z

So. Once a month here we go.
I'm sorry to all my friends who check this and never see anything new...
I realise I tend to close up more in Switzerland because I have no awesomely close friends here,
so I get used to not talking about personal issues that much.

That said, here's a shoutout to the people who bother to check this, namely
Krys, Al, Feli, Jie and Grace. And Yf and Cy. If you check this often and I didn't mention you,
drop a comment, and I'll hook you up with an awesomely ego-boosting mention on this lj. :p

I just feel the incredible need to tell all of you how awesome Iberian Ham is.
Jambon Iberique. How do I even describe the flavour.

Think Parma ham. Now think if you made bak kwa from Parma ham. So its salty and sweet and robust.
That's close to Iberian Ham taste like.

I have to say. The foods I could eat every day: Iberian ham. Foie gras. Wagyu beef and super-fresh sashimi (yellowtail, tuna, swordfish and salmon). Mmmmmm.

And yes, I haven't had lunch and am starving now. ;)

acsian85 @ 2009-01-12T23:33:00

2009-01-12T15:33:20Z

its not that i can't do long distance.

its that i can't do long distance in a way that the girls i fall for can accept.

i can't do the call every night make you feel i'm always there long distance.

i do the msg once every few days, call once every week maybe, and email around that often too.
i don't need constant contact to be secure in my relationship.

and if you do, then you really need to tell me so i can start trying to get used to it.

why i think my school is stupid.

2009-01-12T10:33:51Z

question one on my internship worksheet:

Why should essential information be promptly communicated to the relevant person?

Uhhh.

Because its essential!??

My actual answer defines essential, and basically goes DUH.

Sigh.

Have you seen...

2008-12-27T20:06:02Z

Chubbyhubby's new kitchen?

Oh my goodness. Like, near perfect.
Too many hobs for me, but induction and gas, the ideal combination I swear.
They've got four each, I'd do with two each.

But still. Go look at their pictures... J'adore.

That being said, its been forever since I've blogged.
Some major things have happened in life since then, some of you know, some don't,
but its not really something I can tell everyone and anyone.

Its just... not good, and its pretty much making life altogether screwed up right now.
Hopefully things will pass and get better.

I'm home till the 14th of Jan, then I fly back to school.